How to be Socially Awkward

here is a guide to one of the most never asked question: how do you be socially awkward?

step 1:
EYE CONTACT,  be creepy and use some aggressive eye contact. whenever talking to someone, stare them down! Remember, try not to blink and just keep staring. If that is not what you want to do, never look people in the eye, just stare at the ground and avert your eyes at all costs. basically you just have to try to communicate while staring at the ground, making weird faces at the same time will also add to the awkwardness. IF you are up for the biggest challenge, do both: stare at them for a while, then begin looking at the ground and at the same time remember to smile really hard, so hard that you will look like a crazy clown.

step 2:
CLOTHES, make sure you wear long pants that are too short and show your socks when you sit down. Also fold them at different lengths that are not extremely noticeable that it looks intentional, but to the point where others think you were trying to fold your cuffs evenly, but failed in doing so. To take it up to another level, grease up your hair into a style i like to call "the eugene" a diagram of that is down below:
 Girls on the other hand, pull your hair out with your hands, twist it and then start madly spraying with hairspray until you get the above look.

step 3:
PRIVACY, who needs personal privacy? absolutely no one! invade people's personal space as often as possible: poke people with your pencils and juice boxes! also, never stand less than 2 inches away from someone. also whisper in their ear questions like:" how's my smell?" this will give you the extreme awkwardness you have been dreaming about your whole life!

step 4:
RANDOM, in the middle of a conversation say something totally out of the blue and say something like " i can fly!" and start bobbing your head like a chicken. remember, this does not work with close friends, only do this to complete strangers so that the awkwardness is complete.

step 5:
INTERRUPT, in a conversation, instantaneously start coughing every moment you have. clear your voice as if you have something to say, but don't say a thing at all. if you do want to talk, remember to never let anyone finish their sentence. id you do not want to be too over the top, just start mumbling something and when they ask you what you just said, say it doesn't really matter anymore...

step 6:
LOOK UNCOMFORTABLE, always look uncomfortable like you are about to barf or sneeze so that people are always horridly anticipating what you might soon do.

trust me, if you follow this guide, you will become the most socially awkward person society has ever known.

thought of the day;
do you wake up or open your eyes first?

PS check out our friends blog on fail chinese signs :
http://engrishsigns.blogspot.com/

`angela